But now there are two impending weddings to attend in September, and I purchased a dress for the first that will make me look like a sausage in an overstuffed casing unless I get off my ass once again. So I'm off pop, eating more fruit than my digestive system seems to accept, and back to regular meetings with the premiere emissary from Hell.
This is now a possibility because my evenings have become pits of despair devoid of activity. You see, I have finished my eight-month peregrination into the world of Jessica Fletcher. It's true, dear readers. I have finally finished all twelve seasons of Murder She Wrote. I can tell you pretty much anything you want to know about the famous mystery writer-turned-amateur detective with a heart of gold.
What was Jessica Fletcher's maiden name, you ask? Why, McGill, of the Ireland McGills, of course!
In which war did Jessica's husband Frank serve as a bomber pilot? Korea, naturally!
What was the name of the orphaned nephew who Jessica and Frank took in after his parents were killed in an automobile accident? Grady, the darling!
This is, perhaps, not my greatest crowning achievement.
In honor of my beloved Jessica Fletcher, here are three items a fashionable mystery writer needs when stumbling over dead bodies at every turn.
She cannot be seen without her beloved, classic strand of pearls. These could also serve as a makeshift device with which to strangle one's assailants. Just try not to chip a nail. Blue Nile, $130.
When tailing a suspect, be sure to sport a hat with a brim low enough to shield your face. If you can, try to purchase a hat with a bit of breathing room atop your head for covert pepper spray storage. Just-So Hat, $68.
Finally, find some suitably dark sunglasses. That way, when you peer at your suspect from behind your New York Times, they won't notice your eyes are suspiciously studying them rather than the newspaper. Oakley, $220.Best of luck, my intrepid sleuths!
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